You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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