Your tits are I can't wait for
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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