I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
