I'm jealous of your bromance
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
