She's like a pop up book from hell.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
