Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize