Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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