Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
