On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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