the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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