Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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