Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she woke up with a sticky ear
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
