so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
