Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
