It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
