this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he was CRYING into my vagina
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
