watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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