I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
