I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
