yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
