You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just high enough for therapy.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
