we have officially lost it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
