I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
