Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
