I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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