I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
