Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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