U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
