I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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