hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize