we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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