Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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