There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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