I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
