I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
