8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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