pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
