My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
