hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
