We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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