Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Can I color on your dick again?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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