hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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