fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize