Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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