He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
