Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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