I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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