And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
