at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
