So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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