she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
