He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
