Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Help. Why am I so naked?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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