i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
