On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She bit a glass in half.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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