She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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