Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
