I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
