at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am naked and annoyed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
