from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
