Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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