she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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