Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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