ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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