i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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