Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
