positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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