Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
