I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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