whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
