i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
