sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
