Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
home. puking in laundry basket.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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