fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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