Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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