She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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