That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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