I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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