I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I won the penis lottery.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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