I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
