I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
