Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
