Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize