While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This gyro tastes like lonliness
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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