I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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