Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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