i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
