Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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