i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
