we're chasing vodka with high fives
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
