Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
